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| Ano toki, watashi wa moichi do shindatta to omoimasu. Zannen, watashi daijoubu da kedo, ikiteinakute mo ii desu. Sore wa zettai warui yume da to omoitai kedo, nani mo zenzen kawarimasen. Watashi, chikara ga tsukaimasen. Nande dai jin toki, nani ga tsukaimasen. Nande watashi wa kakushiteimasen. Nande watashi wa mezzameteimasen. Watashi nani mo dekimasen. Kudaranai. | | |
| If there's one thing I've learned in the past few days is that our past will keep haunting us regardless of how we brush them aside.
Last Friday, my meeting with my friends got canceled because someone else wanted to join our "self-practice Japanese session". Hence, we moved it to Saturday afternoon. For the rest of the day, I was at work until 5:00pm. Then at home, I continued to watch the anime "07-Ghost".
Saturday, we were suppose to meet up at Mont-Royal subway station between 3:45pm to 4pm. I drove all the way there simply because I wanted to drive. I got there on time and one of my friends WY* was already there. She was pleased. Later on, JP*, the additional "someone" called and said that he's going to be late. Interestingly enough, we called our other classmate VY* and apparently, she didn't get the message of our meeting. She wanted to come but was unable to because of other things. So WY* and I were in the subway station talking to each other trying to make conversation. It was difficult because I cannot be humourous when I don't know what to say. We only have 2 things in common: Japanese language and anime. It gets boring after a while so I try not to talk about those things too often. At some point, WY* said "we're running out of conversation. Now I wish I have a portable gaming console." That was the key point. I started talking about my Pocket PC with the GBA emulator, then Hikaru No Go for PS1 that the dialogues were not only written but also spoken. Then mahjong for NDS, and the anime "Saki" which was about mahjong too.
Finally, JP* called and directly went to the meeting place called "Rockaberry Cafe". First impression, JP* seemed as old as WY*, which means older than I am. He seemed much more excited, interested, and enthusiastic than WY* and myself. He has good reflexes but his memory is selective. Mine is also selective, but what he seemed to remember is what I forget and vice-versa. We practice from textbook and also try to make conversation in Japanese. It was in that moment that WY* revealed that she speaks Cantonese as well. Since JP* is currently taking Japanese in Dawson in "Intermediate Level 2", which is 2 levels above me, he is connected to me in many ways. He knows RC*, who took Japanese level 1 and 3 with me, ON* sensei, and my ex-girlfriend. He loves to talk, but not to gossip, but I suspect there will be lots of talking about WY* and me in his class. The thought made me very uncomfortable at the time. JP* mentioned many times that we should all go to his class. He thinks he's not good enough for his class and wants to "downgrade" himself to our level. Vocabulary is his strength while grammar is his weakness. I'm the exact opposite, grammar has always been my strength. For this reason, JP* thinks highly of me which was something that I was afraid of.
VY* called us around 7:30pm and wanted to join us. At the same time, the waitress came and kicked us out by placing the bill on our table. So we switched to "Cafe au Noir" which is located right next to the subway station. We found a soft bench at the end of the cafe which was really neat. When VY* arrived, we took out our books and continued to study. However, it felt like hanging out than studying/practicing. The purpose of our meeting seemed to have completely defeated, interesting nonetheless.
I got home around 11:00pm. I couldn't sleep so I wrapped up the anime "07-Ghost". I turned in at 1:30am yet I still couldn't sleep. Something made me felt really uncomfortable, not that that night, but it's been like this for many nights already. The next day, Sunday, I got up at 1:30pm. I didn't do much except from wrapping up another anime "Slayers Evolution R". After finish watching, I decided to get the rest of the prequels that started in 1996. I felt weird, as if I was hungover. I got a surprising email from AH*. She's getting married by the end of the year in Hong Kong. I was really happy and even had a smile. Come to think of it, AH* is the prettiest girl I've met and probably the most disciplined person I know. I thought I had feelings for her, but I can be sure that I was only admiring her and treated her more like a sister to me, even though we see each other seldomly and randomly. I was really pleased to hear this news. I don't want to think highly of myself, but I believe I've grown. I'm beginning to think more clearly.
However, although a very comforting thought, it wasn't enough to calm my worriness or annoyance at night. I was still unable to sleep in peace. I'm uncertain about everything. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but what could've triggered this chaos in my mind? Thursday night, my friend LH* called and wanted me to join them for a karaoke night on Friday. She sounded like she wanted me to come. She should know that I don't like karaoke. And second, I was suppose to study Japanese with my classmates which got postponed to Saturday. LH* made me uneasy because she was the main person who really wanted my ex-girlfriend and me to become a couple, which only lasted for a month. She was pushy about it as well. I don't blame her for not working out since the problem was more on my side than others. But from her phone call, I was pretty sure she was testing me for something, or prepared the event for something related to me. Call me paranoid, but when trust doesn't come easy nowadays, I keep my guard up based on how people's gestures and reactions. I repeatedly made the same mistakes in the past because the past is the only thing I have left to hang on to. That's probably why I made the same mistakes over and over again. But that still does not explain my insomnia that's been taking place for nearly a week. Driving seems to be the only thing that's comforting right now. | | |
| - Symptom #1: Back, neck, shoulder recovery.
Remedy: Head back to the gym.
- Symptom #2: Work is getting on my nerves.
Remedy: Debug it as often as I can, spend more time at work, do overtime at home.
- Symptom #3: A friend needs my help on topics I've studied years ago.
Remedy: Help her by revisiting my past.
- Symptom #4: More and more hungry.
Remedy: Eat more and more.
- Symptom #5: My Japanese is getting rusty.
Remedy: Study with my friends every week.
- Symptom #6: I can't use my own Trans-AM System.
Remedy: Snap out of reality... | | |
| So I met up with my classmates at Dawson College for Japanese practice again last Friday. I parked in front of the school again. I feel lucky being able to find parking so close. When it was time to put more money into the parking meter, I went out and saw lots of tickets by the windshield of many cars. I hope mine didn't have any. Then, I saw an officer writing tickets just 4 cars behind mine. I quickly went up to the meter and inserted more money. As I walked back, the officer looked at me and nodded with a smile. Almost every car on that street had been ticketed except for mine. I was 10 minutes late as well. I won't be so lucky next time around.
One of my classmates works in daycare and the topic of parenting came up. It's very interesting and frustrating at the same time to hear that some of the children in daycare were harassing my friend's co-worker.
- 4 year-old Children: I want to drink some water.
- Friend's co-worker: Not yet, we'll wait until this exercise is over and then we'll all go for water.
- 4 year-old Children: Oh? Really? That's ok, I'll tell mommy and daddy and you'll get it tomorrow. ;P
We knew children are spoiled but some of the children's parents are psychologists (or so they claim to be). And my friend's co-workers have children of their own so they should know what to do. Then my friend said that if she has children of her own, she'll terrorize them. That was hilarious consider that she's really short despite her age.
On our way home, I've unconsciously drove with one hand. That's how I usually drive, but when there are people who aren't comfortable with my driving style or when I'm not familiar with the streets, I usually drive more carefully with two hands on the wheel. I guess I'm already comfortable with their presence in my car. We discussed about anime we've watched and shared our point of view. There were no boring moments, and I was much more comfortable than the previous week since both my classmates started trusting my driving style, which isn't really a good thing to be honest, but fun nonetheless.
So I wrapped up a few downloaded animes during the weekend:
- Tears to Tiara:
This one is quite good. It's about "higher beings" pretending to be gods trying to create a perfect world by removing anything that seemed "worthless". The "worthless" things were humans and stripped their ability to talk until one of these higher beings defied and changed everything causing chaos. And now, after many ages have passed, it was up to humans and this "higher being" to restore peace on Earth if Destiny allows it.
It was definitely interesting to watch. The anime was well developed. It clearly points out that what we see isn't necessarily the truth until we believe in it. And what has been nicknamed isn't necessarily what it is.
- Saki:
This is another good one. It's about Japanese Mahjong. Saki, a little girl living with his father, is trying to get in touch with her sister, who is living with her mother (assuming that her parents were divorced) must try to get into the National Mahjong Competition in order to connect to her elder sister through the game. Along the way, she learns to love mahjong and wants to defeat better players and made friends along the way that'll help her grow and achieve her dream. There will be a sequel and I'm looking forward to it. | | |
| Legend:
PM = Project Manager
BM* = My Boss
FG* = My Teammate
*** PM walks by with another co-worker ***
PM: It's always BM*'s fault.
BM*: Of course, you can blame it on me whenever I'm not here.
FG*: That's true.
PM: What are you talking about? You're always here. We see you here everytime.
BM*: Haha, why do you have to point that out? I know I'm gaining weight and I'm fat, but don't make it so obvious!!!
FG*: Oh, there's nothing to be ashamed of being FAT!
BM*: SHUT UP, YOU'RE SKINNY.
PM: Yeah FG*, we can squash you in no time, hehe.
*** Mind you that PM is huge and fat, walks like a penguin, have trouble breathing even when walking. ***
PM: Hey BM*, you want to know another thing that's your fault? Your "RAYMOND" is having back pain.
BM*: WHAT? Are you serious?
*** BM* comes to my desk which is only 5 feet away from his. I showed him painkillers. ***
BM*: Oh geeezzz. That's just great.
FG*: HAHAHA, that's just great.
PM: See BM*, everything is your fault. And I dare to say that having back pain is directly proportional to working in the Memory Controller team, haha.
*** BM* has back pain, FG* has back pain, and now, I have back pain. We're just waiting for the last teammate to come in to see whether he has back pain as well. We'll just have to wait for another 30 minutes. *** | | |
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